Friday, July 16, 2010

Diabeliever in Jesus Christ

Ever since I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I've felt like God has been silent. He's been there for me, I can feel that. But since I'm such a talker, what helps me is when I get a message back of some sort. And for the past 8 or 9 months I've felt so alone because I've been getting little to no messages from God. I've been through a lot in the past 8 or 9 months. December 7th, 2009 I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, which was probably the biggest change. In February I transferred highschools, which was right in the middle of my sophmore year. And back in May I broke up with a boyfriend that I had been dating for a year, and had pretty much become my best friend. Please keep in mind that I'm also leaving out some of the struggles I had because I'm not quite ready to share those. Through this whole time, I think I only got one message from God and that was to breakup with my boyfriend. So , after two months of having pretty much no contact with the guy, I finally started to feel the weight of what was happening. Since I've been truely following God since about 7th grade, I've never felt completely alone, because I've always had him. But for the past week or so I've just been feeling this aloneness and I couldn't figure out why. It made me feel like I was always the third wheel, like I couldn't talk to anyone, etc. So finally last night I confronted God about it. Of course, I was crying in my bathroom while trying to figure this all out. And I finally got the answer I've been desperate for....For the past year, I've been relying on other people's relationships with God to keep myself in the light. Whether that was friends I've had, my boyfriend, or just the church as a whole. For some reason, I havent been working on MY OWN relationship with God. So the aloneness I'd been feeling all week was because I wasn't trying to rely on anyone else anymore, but I also didn't have enough of a relationship with God anymore to rely on Him. So now that I know the problem, I'm completely ready to fix and sprint back to the one that Created me and makes me whole. Lucky for me, church camp starts tomorrow! What a perfect time and place to reconnect. Anyways, I hope the moral of this post is that GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD. And without Him, I am nothing.

4 comments:

  1. I'm a new follower from New Friend Friday! I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    http://www.ingenuemom.com

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  2. I’m your newest follower =) happy friday


    http://sokikay.blogspot.com/2010/07/fun-fun-fun_16.html

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  3. I love this post. This answers some questions that have been floating through my head here at home and at camp. :) I wish I would have had the chance/time to read this prior to camp, but I am so glad that you shared your heart. I love that this is something you came to on your own. I am so proud of you and the steps you are taking to make this relationship truly yours and strong. :)

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  4. hey! visiting from New Friend Friday. I commend you on your honesty in sharing how God works in your life. It is hard sometimes to remember that he is there in the quite times, but he always is...sometimes in a way you can't even understand.

    Keep up the sincere blogging!

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